Attraction Isn’t Always Fixed — And That’s Perfectly Normal
For many, the journey of understanding who they’re attracted to isn’t a straight line. In fact, it can twist, turn, and evolve in ways that are surprising — even to the person experiencing it. This lesser-known but deeply relatable experience has a name: abrosexuality.
“I Thought I Was a Lesbian”
In a powerful personal essay published by Metro UK in July 2024, writer Emma Flint opened up about her three-decade-long journey to self-discovery — a journey that ultimately led her to realize she is abrosexual.
Now 32, Flint reflected on years of feeling confused by her changing attractions. At times, she identified as a lesbian. Then, she found herself drawn to men. Other times, she felt no attraction at all. The constant ebb and flow left her feeling lost. “I was uncertain of who I was,” she wrote.
Her story shines a light on abrosexuality — a term that describes individuals whose sexual attraction shifts over time. Flint’s vulnerability gives voice to countless others who may have felt alone in their changing identities, showing that fluidity in attraction is not only valid, but also more common than many realize.
“I Thought I Was a Lesbian — Then Everything Shifted”
Emma Flint’s powerful story sheds light on abrosexuality, the fluid identity more people are starting to recognize.
For years, Emma Flint felt like she was drifting without an anchor.
“I felt lost, as if out at sea,” the freelance writer from Staffordshire, England, confessed in a heartfelt essay for Metro UK. “I also felt like a fraud because of how much I changed my identity when chatting with loved ones.”
At 32, after nearly three decades of wrestling with labels that never quite fit, Emma finally found the word that made everything click: abrosexual.
“It wasn’t that I couldn’t make up my mind,” she writes. “It was that my identity shifted. One day I felt like a lesbian, and then days or weeks later, I’d feel more aligned with bisexuality. My sexuality was fluid.”
That realization came not through a formal diagnosis or deep academic research — but from a quiet moment online. She stumbled across the term “abrosexual” in a forum, and with it came a rush of relief.
“Finally,” she wrote, “I felt seen.”
What Is Abrosexuality?
According to Healthline, abrosexuality is a form of sexual fluidity that isn’t tied to any one gender — it’s about how your attraction shifts over time.
“Someone who’s abrosexual finds that their sexual attraction changes frequently,” Healthline explains. “They might identify as gay, then later feel attraction to people of all genders, and then go through a phase of little to no attraction at all.”
Unlike terms such as heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, or pansexual — which describe who you’re attracted to — abrosexuality describes how your attraction moves, evolves, and fluctuates over time. It’s not about indecision. It’s about authenticity.
Living Abrosexual: What It Really Feels Like
Emma’s story echoes this beautifully. “I love the person, rather than their gender,” she says. “So it doesn’t matter if my sexuality fluctuates while I’m with them.”
Still, not everyone understands. “There are always some people who demand I ‘pick a lane’ so that my identity doesn’t offend them,” she admits. “But just because you don’t understand someone’s identity doesn’t mean it’s not real.”
What Does Abrosexuality Look Like?
There’s no universal script for what abrosexuality feels like — and that’s part of what makes it so deeply personal. But to help demystify the experience, Healthline offers some common patterns:
- Day-to-day shifts: One day you may feel attracted only to men, the next day only to women.
- Gradual changes: You might feel attraction to all genders for months, then slowly notice a preference for just one.
- Fluctuating intensity: You could go through a stretch where you feel little to no attraction — often resembling asexuality — only to later experience a powerful resurgence.
- Long-term evolution: Someone might identify as straight for years, then suddenly notice a growing attraction to people of another gender.
These variations aren’t inconsistencies — they’re part of the rich, complex reality of abrosexuality.
No one should have to apologize for growing, shifting, or evolving — especially not when it comes to something as personal as attraction.
Emma’s story is a reminder that identity doesn’t always come with clear-cut answers — and that’s okay.
“We’re All Constantly Evolving”
In her closing thoughts, Emma Flint beautifully sums up the heart of her experience:
“We’re all learning new things about ourselves all the time – that’s what growth and development is about.”
She hopes that one day, abrosexuality will be seen as just another identity — valid, real, and worthy of respect — rather than dismissed as a phase or a trend.
Flint’s story goes far beyond personal revelation. It highlights the power of language and representation in helping people feel seen. For those who’ve spent years feeling “broken” or misunderstood, discovering the right word can be life-changing. Sometimes, all it takes is hearing someone else’s story to realize: you’re not alone.
💬 What’s your take?
Identity is deeply personal — and the more we talk about it, the more we learn.
Share your thoughts, your experiences, or simply your support. And if this story resonated with you, pass it on. Someone else might need to hear it too.
