Respecting Identity: A Journey of Parenthood and Pronouns
In today’s world, one of the most meaningful ways to show respect is by using someone’s chosen name and pronouns—whether they identify as straight, gay, transgender, or non-binary. Yet despite growing awareness, many still struggle to let go of outdated norms, sometimes ignoring or misrepresenting others’ identities.
Bennett Kaspar-Williams, 37, from Los Angeles, knows this all too well. In October 2020, Bennett gave birth to their son, Hudson, via cesarean section, supported by their husband, Malik. At the time, Bennett identified as male and used he/him pronouns (they now identify as non-binary and use both he/him and they/them), but their experience in the hospital was far from affirming.
Despite clearly indicating his gender on medical forms, Bennett was repeatedly misgendered by hospital staff—called “mom” instead of “dad”—a painful reminder of how deeply gender stereotypes are embedded in healthcare.
Bennett began his gender transition in 2014 after realizing he was transgender in 2011. Years later, he and Malik thoughtfully decided to start a family, knowing it would require Bennett to temporarily stop testosterone therapy to allow his reproductive system to function again. Though he had undergone top surgery, he had not pursued lower-body procedures. After deep personal reflection, Bennett felt at peace with the decision to carry a child.
The couple conceived naturally, much faster than expected. “We had only been trying a short while,” Bennett said. “We expected it to take longer.”
But just a week before the pandemic lockdowns began in March 2020, their joy was quickly met with anxiety and uncertainty. Navigating pregnancy amid a global health crisis was challenging enough—doing so while being consistently misgendered made it even more emotionally taxing.
“The only thing that made me dysphoric about my pregnancy was the misgendering that happened when I was getting medical care,” Bennett shared.
Even with gender markers clearly filled out on forms, nurses and doctors defaulted to calling him “mom.” For Bennett, it wasn’t just frustrating—it was erasing. In an interview with the New York Post, he described how deeply gendered language in maternity care made it hard to feel seen.
“The business of pregnancy—yes, I say business because the entire institution of pregnancy care in America is built around selling the concept of ‘motherhood’—is so intertwined with gender that it was hard to escape being misgendered,” he said.
Now, as a proud parent and advocate, Bennett challenges the rigid definitions linking womanhood to motherhood. “Being born with a uterus doesn’t guarantee you can or will have children,” he said. “And not everyone who carries a child identifies as a mother.”
On Hudson’s third birthday, Bennett celebrated the love he and Malik share for their child, posting: “This sweet guy is 3 years old today! Malik Kaspar-Williams and I are so lucky to be his parents.”
Their story is a powerful reminder: Parenthood isn’t defined by gender—it’s defined by love, intention, and identity. Respecting that truth starts with listening, learning, and simply calling people what they wish to be called.
