When Attraction Doesn’t Fit a Mold: Understanding Abrosexuality Through One Woman’s Powerful Journey
Attraction isn’t always a straight line—and for some, it’s more like a winding path that shifts with time. This often-overlooked experience has a name: abrosexuality.
“I Thought I Was a Lesbian…”
In a deeply personal and eye-opening essay for Metro UK published in July 2024, writer Emma Flint opened up about her three-decade journey toward discovering her identity as abrosexual—a term that finally gave meaning to years of confusion, self-doubt, and quiet transformation.
Now 32, Flint described how her sense of attraction evolved constantly over the years. One moment she felt certain she was a lesbian. Then she found herself drawn to men. At other times, she didn’t feel attraction to anyone at all.
“I felt lost, as if out at sea,” she wrote. “I also felt like a fraud because of how much I changed my identity when chatting with loved ones.”
What she was experiencing wasn’t indecision—it was fluidity. A natural, authentic shift in sexual attraction that defied easy labels. Flint’s journey took a pivotal turn when she stumbled upon the term abrosexual in an online forum.
“Finally,” she wrote, “I felt seen.”
What Is Abrosexuality?
According to Healthline, abrosexuality is a lesser-known identity on the LGBTQ+ spectrum. It describes people whose sexual attraction can change over time—sometimes subtly, sometimes dramatically.
Rather than being defined by who you’re attracted to (like gay, bisexual, or heterosexual), abrosexuality is defined by how often or how fluidly that attraction changes.
A person might:
- Feel strongly attracted to one gender one week, and then to all genders the next.
- Go through a phase of intense attraction, followed by a stretch of little to no desire at all.
- Experience attraction that gradually shifts over months or years in ways that feel unpredictable but completely valid.
In Flint’s words: “I love the person, rather than their gender, so it doesn’t matter if my sexuality fluctuates while I’m with them.”
“Pick a Lane” – And Why That’s the Wrong Question
Even as she gained clarity and confidence in her identity, Flint faced criticism from those who didn’t understand.
“There are always people who demand I ‘pick a lane’—as if being consistent is the only way to be valid,” she shared. “But just because someone doesn’t understand an identity doesn’t make it any less real.”
What Does Abrosexuality Look Like?
There’s no single way to experience abrosexuality. It can look like:
- Daily changes: Feeling romantically drawn to one gender today and another tomorrow.
- Gradual transitions: Feeling pansexual for months, then only attracted to one gender.
- Periods of asexuality: Going through times of little or no sexual attraction before it resurfaces.
Healthline stresses that there’s no template—and that’s what makes abrosexuality so deeply personal and diverse.
Why Stories Like Emma Flint’s Matter
Flint’s journey isn’t just about finding a label—it’s about finding peace, confidence, and a sense of belonging.
“Growth is about discovering new truths about ourselves,” she wrote. “I hope that one day, abrosexuality will be seen as just another identity—not a phase, not a trend, but a valid, meaningful truth for those who live it.”
For those who have felt out of place or “broken” because their attractions don’t follow a fixed script, hearing stories like Flint’s can be life-changing.
